Requested by: Tempera
Watch the official video here!

We don’t see the usual detective references and double meanings in this song, but we do see a lot of wordplay and onomatopoeia.

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イーっだ！　いつも偏屈
ベーっだ！　別にいんだもん
なんだかんだ云ったってもうあたしは名探偵

ii da! itsumo henkutsu
bee da! betsu ni inda mon
nanda kanda itta tte mou atashi wa meitantei

I hate it! He’s always perverse.
Bleh! Not like I care anyway. (1)
Even if he says this and that, I don’t care! I’m a famous detective.

さあいい加減起きてください　もうそろそろお昼ですよ
今日は締め切りなんでしょう？　担当さんが来ちゃいます
そんな顔で睨んだって怖くなんてありません
ほら淹れたての珈琲です……ってどうしてほっぺを引っ張るの
せんせ

saa ii kagen okite kudasai mou soro soro o-hiru desuyo
kyou wa shimekiri nandeshou? tantou-san ga kicha imasu
sonna kao de niranda tte kowaku nante arimasen
hora iretate no koohii desu… tte doushite hoppe o hipparu no
sense

Come on now—wake up, please. It’ll be lunchtime soon.
Isn’t today the deadline? The manager’s coming here.
It doesn’t matter if you glare at me like that. I’m not scared.
Look, you left your coffee after making it… huh? Why are you pulling on my cheek?
Professor!

けんぱけんけんぱ
乙女の密室気になるの？
じゃんけんじゃんけんほい
タネも仕掛けもございません
せんせ　せんせ
今度の原稿どうですか？
せんせ　せんせったら
まだ終わらないの
kenpa kenkenpa
otome no misshitsu ki ni naru no?
jan ken jan ken hoi
tane mo shikake mo gozaimasen
sense sense
kondo no genkou dou desuka?
sense sense ttara
mada owaranai no

Detecting, det-det-detecting. (2)
Are you interested in the maiden’s locked room?
Rock, paper, rock, paper, scissors!
There aren’t any tricks or gadgets.
Professor, professor,
How’s the manuscript looking this time?
Professor, come on professor!
You’re still not finished…

くるくるくるまわってニャンコの目
せんせとあたしじゃ歩幅が違うから
前に前に走る前へもっと推理推理推理
じゃんけんぽん　置いてっちゃヤですよ
チヨコレイト

kuru kuru kuru mawatte nyanko no me
sense to atashi ja hohaba ga chigau kara
mae ni mae ni hashiru mae e motto suiri suiri suiri
jan ken pon oite ccha ya desu yo
chokoreito

The cat’s eye spins round and round and round.
The length of my stride is different to the Professor’s
so we race ahead, taking our reasoning even further.
Rock, paper, scissors. I hate it when he leaves me behind!
Chocolate.

イーっだ！　いつも偏屈
ベーっだ！　別にいんだもん
なんだかんだ云ったってもう事件は起きてる
ふんだ！　もう大人ですよーだ！　笑わないで！
そーだ！　外に出ましょう　図書館行きましょ

ii da! itsumo henkutsu
bee da! betsu ni inda mon
nanda kanda itta tte mou jiken wa okiteru
fun da! mou otona desuyoo da! warawanaide!
soo da! soto ni demashou toshokan ikimasho

I hate it! He’s always perverse.
Bleh! Not like I care anyway.
Even if he says this and that, I don’t care. An incident is happening.
Hmph! I’m an adult, you know. Don’t laugh!
That’s right! Let’s head out. Let’s go the library.

珈琲お代わりどうですか？　まだまだ原稿真っ白ですねえ
それ！　と駆け出しすってんころりん　推理間違え大慌て
ガキじゃガキじゃとおっしゃいますが　ガキが探偵するもんですか
オッチョコチョイノチョイ　だからどうしておさげを引っ張るの！
せんせ！

koohii okawari dou desuka? mada mada genkou masshiro desunee
sore! to kakedashi sutten kororin suiri machigae ooawate
gaki ja gaki ja to osshaimasu ga gaki ga tantei suru mon desuka
occhoko choi no choi dakara doushite osage o hipparu no!
sense!

Would you like another coffee? You haven’t even started your manuscript yet…
“That’s it!” You start to run off but fall over. Your haste led to an error in deduction.
You state that I am a child, but would a child be a detective?
You’re such a skittery scatterbrain, so why are you pulling on my braids?
Professor!

ね　うし　とら　うー
はじめチョロチョロ中パッパ
たつ　み……なんだっけ？
雲雀鳴いてもフタ取るな
せんせ　せんせ
いつになったら出かけるの？
せんせ　せんせったらねぇ
まったくもう

ne ushi tora uu
hajime choro choro chuu pappa
tatsu mi… nan dakke?
hibari naitemo futa toru na
sense sense
itsu ni nattara dekakeru no?
sense sense ttara nee
mattaku mou

Rat, Ox, Tiger, Hare—
Start at a simmer, then flare up the flames. (3)
Dragon, Serpent… what comes next? (4)
The skylark may cry, but don’t take off the lid.
Professor, Professor!
When can we leave?
Professor, come on Professor!
Seriously, I’ve had enough.

ワンツースリーでまたまた難事件
せんせとあたしで残らず解決
前に前に泳ぐ前へもっとスイムスイム＆睡眠
あっちむいてほい　ほらあたしの勝ちです
こっちむいてほい

wan tsuu surii de mata mata nanjiken
sense to atashi de nokorazu kaiketsu
mae ni mae ni oyogu mae e motto suimu suimu & suimin
acchi muite hoi hora atashi no kachi desu
kocchi muite hoi

One, two, three… dangerous incidents pop up again and again
but the Professor and I will solve them all!
We’ll swim on and on and swim ahead and sleep.
Look that way—yeah! See, it’s my victory.
Look this way—yeah!

わんつさんしー
いつ　む　なな　や

wan tsu san shii
itsu mu nana ya

One, two, three, four,
Five, six, seven, eight!

くるくるくるまわってニャンコの目
せんせとあたしじゃ歩幅が違うから
前に前に走る前へもっと推理推理推理
じゃんけんぽん　置いてっちゃヤですよ
チヨコレイト

kuru kuru kuru mawatte nyanko no me
sense to atashi ja hohaba ga chigau kara
mae ni mae ni hashiru mae e motto suiri suiri suiri
jan ken pon oite ccha ya desu yo
chokoreito

The cat’s eye spins round and round and round.
The length of my stride is different to the Professor’s
so we race ahead, taking our reasoning even further.
Rock, paper, scissors. I hate it when he leaves me behind!
Chocolate.

ワンツースリーでまたまた難事件
せんせとあたしで残らず解決
前に前に泳ぐ前へもっとスイムスイムスイミング
原稿に夢中になってるその間に
レディになるの

wan tsuu surii de mata mata nanjiken
sense to atashi de nokorazu kaiketsu
mae ni mae ni oyogu mae e motto suimu suimu suimingu
genkou ni muchuu ni natteru sono aida ni
redi ni naru no

One, two, three… dangerous incidents pop up again and again.
The Professor and I will solve them all!
We’ll swim on and on and go swimming ahead.
While you’re engrossed in your manuscript,
I’ll become a lady.

今に見ててね

ima ni mitete ne

Just you wait and see.

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(1) ベーっだ！ (bee da!) is what people say when performing the ‘akanbe’ gesture (sticking out your tongue and pulling down your eyelid).
(2) けんけんぱ (kenkenpa) means ‘hopscotch’ by itself, but it is likely that the word is used here as a play on けんぱ (kenpa, detecting i.e. using radio waves).
(3) This line is part of a traditional song used to assist in boiling rice. The full version is discussed here (link in Japanese).
(4) The first and third lines of this stanza refer to the animals in the Chinese zodiac.

Requested by: Tempera
Watch the official video here!

Update (31/12/2019): Some brief alterations to the translation. An additional section has been added translating some text that appears in the video

I say this all the time, but Teniwoha’s works demand knowledge of Japanese mystery tropes and wordplay to be interpreted. There’s a tension between what’s written and what isn’t written – each line could use at least one translation note.

This particular track places its focus on the Raven. We’ve heard him mentioned before, but we don’t really know who he is. Perhaps this track will make things clearer…?

Also, the title is unusual. うしろめた is just a little bit off 後ろめたい (ushirometai), which actually means ‘Guilty’. Getting rid of
い turns it into a verb, which is fine, except うしろめる isn’t actually a verb… As noted by Saryu in the comments below, it’s possible to interpret the title as ‘ushiro metafiction’.

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ナゾトキせずとも読者は死せず
某某氷菓子
薄口醤油をかけまして　生卵ととく　そのこころは？
なにも意味などございません

nazotoki sezu to mo dokusha wa shi sezu
soregashi nanigashi koorigashi
usukuchi shouyu o kakemashite namatamago to toku sono kokoro wa?
nani mo imi nado gozaimasen

The reader does not die, though they do not solve the riddle.
Somebody, so-and-so, and sherbet…
I call it soy sauce and explain it as raw egg. As for the reason…? (1)
Well, there’s no meaning to it at all!

いざヨナ抜き　ラッパ呑み呑み
鯖のビッチ　魅せろ凶器の五段活用
「ヤツを逃がすな。変装だ！」

iza yona nuki rappa nomi nomi
saba no bicchi misero kyouki no godan katsuyou
“yatsu o nigasu na. hensou da!”

Now, engulf them with a pentatonic scale from the trumpet!
You mackerel b****. I’ll charm you with deadly verb conjugations. (2)
“I won’t let him get away. Time to disguise!”

ネヴアモア
蝶のようにマイウェイ　蜂のようにさすらい
ナンマンダブステップで涅槃　うしろめたフィクション
ネヴアモア
皆様知らざあ云って聞かせましょう
「二度とはございません。」

nevamoa
chou no you ni maiuei hachi no you ni sasurai
nanmandabusuteppu de nehan ushirometa fikushon
nevamoa
minasama shirazaa itte kikasemashou
“nido to wa gozaimasen.”

Nevermore.
I go my way, like a butterfly. I roam like a bee.
I find salvation through my faith in dubstep. Guilty fiction. (3)
Nevermore.
Nobody knows? Well, let me tell you… (4)
“This won’t happen twice.”

Honey Hot Head とんでもないね　これぞ外連味
ツァラトゥストラはとく片栗粉
take it easy　テキトーで言いぜ　遠い未来のトロイメライ
現実要らずの優れもの

Honey Hot Head tondemonai ne kore zo keren mi
tsaratusutora wa toku katakuriko
take it easy tekitoo de ii ze tooi mirai no toroimerai
genjitsu irazu no sugure mono

Honey hot head. It’s outrageous! It’s just a bluff.
I’ll explain Zarathustra as starch.
Take it easy. You gotta say it casually. Dream about the distant future.
The superior ones don’t need reality.

いざニロ抜き　やっぱノリノリ
鯖の煮付け　腹が減っては戦は出禁

iza niro nuki yappa nori nori
saba no nitsuke hara ga hette wa ikusa wa dekin

Now, a minor pentatonic scale! That’s lively, too.
Mackerel and veggies in soy sauce. You can’t fight on an empty stomach!

「ヤツの真の目的は、探偵育成なのだ」
「な、な、なんだってー！？」

“yatsu no shin no mokuteki wa, tantei ikusei na no da”
“na, na, nanda tte!?”

“His true motive is… to train detectives.”
“Wh-wh-whaaat?!”

ネヴアモア
「チッチッチ」甘いぜ　Who’s in Rise in And rumble
Kick you なんて素敵なキッチュ　抱きしめたフィクション
ネヴアモア
週末にゃあの娘とグランギニョる御予定
述べるNovel　机上の暴論？

nevamoa
“chicchicchi” amai ze Who’s in Rise in And rumble
Kick you nante suteki na kicchu dakishimeta fikushon
nevamoa
shuumatsu nya ano ko to guranginyoru go-yotei
noberu Novel kijou no bouron?

Nevermore.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk” How naive. Who’s in rise in and rumble?
Kicking you would be such splendid kitsch. I held fiction close to me.
Nevermore.
This weekend, I have plans for Grand Guignol with that young lady.
I note that novel. Is there an irrational academic argument?

さあさあかわいい探偵さん　お代は解いてのお孵りだ

saa saa kawaii tantei san odai wa yoite no okaeri da

Now, now, my adorable detective! Your fee will hatch from your solution.

いつか素敵な大人になれますか？
「二度とない」
先生はまともな人になれますか？
「二度とない」
怪盗っていったいなんですか？
「二度とない」
鴉は罰を受けて黒くされたんですか？
「二度とない」「二度とない」「二度とない」

itsuka suteki na otona ni naremasuka?
“nido to nai”
sensei wa matomo na hito ni naremasuka?
“nido to nai”
kaitou tte ittai nan desuka?
“nido to nai”
karasu wa batsu o ukete kuroku sareta ndesuka?
“nido to nai” “nido to nai” “nido to nai”

Can I someday grow into a wonderful adult?
“Nevermore.”
Can you become an honest man, Professor?
“Nevermore.”
What on earth is that thief, anyway?
“Nevermore.”
Did the Raven receive their punishment and become blackened?
“Nevermore.” “Nevermore.” “Nevermore.”

ネヴアモア
蝶のようにマイウェイ　蜂のようにさすらい
ナンマンダブステップで涅槃　うしろめたフィクション
ネヴアモア
皆様知らざあ云って聞かせましょう
我こそ大鴉ってなもんさ
ずっとずっとあいこでしょ。

nevamoa
chou no you ni maiuei hachi no you ni sasurai
nanmandabusuteppu de nehan ushirometa fikushon
nevamoa
minasama shirazaa itte kikasemashou
ware koso oogarasu tte na mon sa
zutto zutto aiko desho.

Nevermore.
I go my way, like a butterfly. I roam like a bee.
I find salvation through my faith in dubstep. Guilty fiction.
Nevermore.
Nobody knows? Well, let me tell you…
“I myself am the grand raven” or, something like that.
It’ll always, always be even between us.

---

(1) This pattern (○○とかけて△△と解く。その心は□□) is a type of wordplay called なぞかけ (Nazokake).
(2) 鯖のビッチ (saba no bicchi) appears to be a corruption of サノバビッチ (sano ba bicchi – son of a b****).
(3) ナンマンダブステップ is a corruption of なんまんだぶ (nanmandabu), a Buddhist expression of faith.
(4) This phrase was made popular in kabuki, and now appears often in anime and manga.

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Transcription and translation of selected text from the video, in roughly chronological order.

てにをははようかい
サアサア、遊ビマショオ
開宴
大鴉

Teniwoha is a youkai
Come now, let’s play!
The banquet begins
The Raven

全テハメタフィクション
何ンデモアッテ
何モナイ

Everything is metafiction
Everything’s there.
It’s nothing at all.

オサゲ探偵サン偏屈作家ノ先生
サアサア始マリ始マリ

The detective has braids. The Professor is a stubborn author.
Come on, it’s starting, it’s starting!

身体測定

Body measurements.

大腿四頭筋
大腿二頭筋
大腿骨頭
腓腹筋
前脛骨筋
脛骨

Quadriceps muscle.
Biceps femoris muscle.
Head of the femur.
Gastrocnemius muscle.
Tibialis anterior muscle.
Tibia.

構築

Construction.

[The image labelled ナ抜き音階 (Pentatonic scale) explains the pentatonic scale. It’s a regular major scale but without the 4th or 7th notes (‘fa’ and ‘ti’).]

遊んダ後ハオ片ヅケシマショ

After playing, let’s tidy up.

空隙

Blank space.

弐の段

The second level.

うしろめたフィクション

Guilty Fiction

痛かったら手を上げて下さひ。
止めませんけれどね

If it hurts, raise your hand.
I won’t stop, though.

片道書簡其の１　　
謎が深まる折、いかがお過ごしでせうか

One-way letter 1:
How are you spending the time as the mystery deepens?

片道書簡其の２
先生の御本、いつも楽しく読しております

One-way letter 2:
Professor, I always enjoy reading your books.

匿名希望　「せんせのいじわる」

Tokumei Kibou (Lit. Anonymous wish, possibly a name): “Professor, you’re such a bully!”

先生　「お藥出しておさますね」

Professor: “I’ll get some medicine prepared.”

*この物語は(うしろめた)フィクションです。実在しない人物・団体とは
一切関係がないとも云い切れません。

*This tale is (guilty) fiction. I can’t say with confidence that there’s no relation to people or organisations that don’t exist.

秘匿

Hiding

片道書簡其の３
私、是でも先生の熱狂的信者を自稱（自称）しております

One-way letter 3:
Even so, well… I’m a self-styled fanatic of yours, Professor.

片道書簡其の４
まだお会いした事ありませんけれど、出来る事なら先生の子供を産みとう御座ひます。

One-way letter 4:
We haven’t met each other just yet, but if possible, I’d love to give birth to your baby, Professor.

片道書簡其の５
それはさておきまして、ここからあえて苦言を呈する非禮（非礼）を許し下さひ。

One-way letter 5:
Well, let’s put that aside for a moment. Please forgive my impoliteness for the frank advice I’m about to offer.

片道書簡其の６
と云いますのも此の度の作品のトリック、私にはいささかアンフェアが過ぎるように思われてならないのです。

One-way letter 6:
I say that, but that’s one of the tricks behind the current work. It can’t help but seem like something unfair has passed.

片道書簡其の7 
だって、あれを許してしまったら日本推理小説界はお仕舞いです。破滅です。

One-way letter 7:
After all, if you allow that to happen, then the world of Japanese detective novels will meet its end. It would be utterly ruined.

バスカヴィル家の猫

The Cat of the Baskervilles

片道書簡其の８
あのような作品を書く先生なんて嫌いです。絶對（絶対）に許さない。嫌い、嫌い、嫌いよ。でもやっぱり好き。

One-way letter 8:
Professor, I hate you when you write works like that. I’ll never forgive you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Even so, I love you.

刺殺
毒殺

Stabbing.
Poisoning.

片道書簡其の９
ですからお腹の子供も必ず無事に産みます。良い子に育てます。

One-way letter 9:
And so, I’ll make sure to safely give birth to the child inside me. I’ll raise them well.

絞殺
暗殺
毆殺

Strangling.
Assassination.
Beating.

片道書簡其の10
名前ももう決めてあるの。男の子だったらてにヲ。女の子だったらてに子。

One-way letter 10:
I’ve already decided on a name. If they’re a boy, they’ll be Teniwo. If they’re a girl, they’ll be Teniko.

斬殺
壓殺
謀殺
惱殺
解いてみな
止
あ　　　　うん
空隙

Put to the sword.
Crushing to death.
Premeditated murder.
Enchanting.
Try and solve it!
Stop.
Ah, Un.
Blank space.

---

The final image of the PV (at roughly 3:25) contains the following elements:

• A three-tiered hexagon. The layer closest to the middle alternates between two kanji: 陽 (you – light/yang) and 陰 (in – darkness/yin). The middle layer contains the first two lines of the Iroha poem, which contains all of the hiragana characters: いろはにほへと ちりぬるを (lit. even the blossoming flowers will eventually scatter). The outer layer has a series of seemingly unrelated numbers.
• Two fragments, あ (a) and うん (un). These represent the beginning and end of all things respectively. You often see them represented by komainu statues.

Requested by: Tempera
Watch the official video here!

I translated another track from this series previously. This track takes the references to the next level – it makes it tough to translate, because so much more meaning can be gained from what you hear, rather than from what you read. Realistically, every line could use a translation note!

I was lucky enough to find a blog post in Japanese that outlines a lot of the references. I’ve placed the list at the bottom of the translation – see if you can hear them all!

Like usual, there’s a bit of an introduction in the video description:
“Professor! For the first time in a while, we’ve got a big incident!”
It was a Japanese summer: the schoolgirl detective’s summer.

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悪漢ベヰカーストリヰト雷雨　七つ道具は質屋へ
悪路井戸落とされ探偵がまた一人姿を消したといふ
綾なす辻のAlice側　横溝掃除は江戸川か
神田最弱探偵さん　こんなんどう？　居ると思う？

akkan beikaa sutoriito raiu nantsu dougu wa shichiya he
akuro ido otosare tantei ga mata hitori sugata o keshita to iu
ayanasu tsuji no Alice gawa yokomizo souji wa edogawa ka
kanda saijaku tantei-san konnan dou? iru to omou?

Scoundrel! Storm clouds gathered on Baker Street. The tools of the trade were headed for the pawnshop.
They say a detective was dropped into the evil alley’s well—like that, another was bumped off.
Near the brightly decorated street, Arisugawa, is Yokomizu cleaning Edogawa?
So, weakest detective in Kanda, what do you think? Do they exist?

ナンマンダブ　ステップ踏み　脳髄是密室なりや
グーとチーで合った人　愚と智で分かれましょう
謎解きはこれから

nan man dabu suteppu fumi nouzui kore misshitsu nari ya
guu to chii de atta hito gu to chi de wakaremashou
nazotoki wa kore kara

Lord have mercy. I tread on the steps, and my brain is a locked room.
Rock, scissors, who matches? We’ll use it to group them into wise and foolish people.
The riddle’s solution is coming up:

「犯人はあなたですね」

“hannin wa anata desu ne”

“You’re the culprit!”

列車トリック　発火トリック　難事件
推理作家の先生さん　『阿破破』
うーだらぱーだらうーだらぱーだら云わないで
ああもう頭がこんがらがってきたけれど

ressha torikku hakka torikku nan jiken
suiri sakka no sensei-san “ahaha”
uudara paadara uudara paadara iwanaide
aa mou atama ga kongaragatte kita keredo

Train tricks, fire tricks, and accidents.
The professor is a mystery writer. “Ahaha!”
Don’t talk nonsense to me!
Enough already! My head’s already all tangled up in this…

どっとはらい　どっと混む　熱茶々々々　巴里巴里（パリパリ）
海鷂魚（えい）　鰤　場で椀子蕎麦「謎はおやつに入りません」
どっとはらい　どっと混む　熱茶々々々　丼舎利貪舎利（どんしゃりどんしゃり）
エブリバディアリバイないないない

dotto harai dotto komu accha cha cha cha pari pari
ei buri ba de wanko soba “nazo wa oyatsu ni hairimasen”
dotto harai dotto komu neccha cha cha cha donshari donshari
eburibadi aribai nai nai nai

That’s that. Dot com. Accha cha cha cha! Paris, Paris.
Stingrays, yellowtails, wanko soba served at that place: “Riddles shouldn’t be eaten as snacks.”
That’s that. Dot com. Accha cha cha cha! Donshari, donshari.
Everybody has no alibi, no alibi!

花紋

kamon

Come on… (1)

etcラヰヘンバッハ鴉啼き　番台さん突いて御清聴
織り笑むと旧校舎の窓あの怪盗達が待つといふ
高木（こうぼく）に二人　海野原　坂口暗号無視したろう？
ＡＢＣだか恵比寿だか　「檸檬どう？」ちゃんとして

etc raihenbahha karasu naki bandai-san tsuite go-seichou
ori emu to kyuu-kousha no mado ano kaitou-tachi ga matsu to iu
kouboku ni futari unno hara sakaguchu angou mushi shitarou?
ABC da ka ebisu da ka “remon dou?” chanto shite

etc Reichenbach. The raven cries. The attendant was stabbed, pay kind attention.
They say the phantom thieves await at the window of the former school building with smiles all stitched up.
Two people are in a tall tree. The sea field. Did they ignore Sakaguchi’s code?
Is it ABC or Ebisu? “How are the lemons?” Be serious!

甲が乙を隠す　そんじゃ降参鑑識さんお疲れさん
四捨五入やってみな　死者五人どこいった
謎解きはまだまだ

kou ga otsu o kakusu son ja kousan kanshiki-san otsukaresan
shisha gonyuu yatte mina shisha gonin doko itta
nazotoki wa mada mada

The plaintiff hides the defendant. Like that, surrender. Thanks, forensics!
Let’s try rounding up – where did the five dead people go?
The solution is still distant…

「そして誰がいなくなった？」

“soshite dare ga inaku natta?”

“And then who died” (2)

およしになって　おやめになって　怪事件
おさげ揺らす探偵さん　『探偵さん』
ノックスべゐべ　ガストンべゐべ　行かないで
and more　作者（先生）のヰヂワルは毎度

oyoshi ni natte oyame ni natte kai jiken
osage yurasu tantei-san “tantei-san”
nokkusu beibe gasuton beibe ikanaide
and more sensei no ijiwaru wa maido

They stop and give up when faced with this strange incident.
The detective, with braids swaying… “Detective!”
Knox baby, Gaston baby, don’t go…
and more… the professor’s (author’s) teasing comes every time.

どっとはらい　どっと混む　熱茶々々々　巴里巴里（パリパリ）
海鷂魚（えい）　鰤　場で椀子蕎麦「たまには自分で考えたまえ」
どっとはらい　どっと混む　熱茶々々々　丼舎利貪舎利（どんしゃりどんしゃり）
エブリバディアリバイないないない

dotto harai dotto komu accha cha cha cha pari pari
ei buri ba de wanko soba “tama ni wa jibun de kangae tamae”
dotto harai dotto komu neccha cha cha cha donshari donshari
eburibadi aribai nai nai nai

That’s that. Dot com. Accha cha cha cha! Paris, Paris.
Stingrays, yellowtails, wanko soba served at that place: “Try thinking for yourself sometimes!”
That’s that. Dot com. Accha cha cha cha! Donshari, donshari.
Everybody has no alibi, no alibi!

怪盗連盟の罠にはまり、次々と姿を消していく名探偵達
そして探偵の居ぬ間に人々の心は密室となった

kaitou renmei no wana ni hamari, tsugi tsugi to sugata o keshite iku meitantei-tachi
soshite tantei no inu ma ni hito bito no kokoro wa misshitsu to natta

Plunged into the phantom thief alliance’s trap, the great detectives disappeared one by one.
And, while the detectives were away, people’s hearts became locked rooms.

「でも、それならどうしてあたしだけが無事だったんでしょうか？」
「その答えはひとつしか考えられない」
「と、云うと……？」
「あまりに無能すぎるが故に、きみは探偵として勘定にも入れられていなかったのだ！」
「いーやー！」

“demo, sore nara doushite atashi dake ga buji datta ndeshou ka?”
“sono kotae wa hitotsu shika kangaerarenai”
“to, iu to…?”
“amari ni munou sugiru ga yue ni, kimi wa tantei toshite kanjou ni mo hairerarete inakatta no da!”
“iiyaa!”

“In that case, why am I the only one who’s safe?”
“I can only think of one answer.”
“And what’s that…?”
“You’re so incompetent you haven’t even been counted as a detective!”
“Nooooo!”

およしになって　おやめになって　怪事件
おさげ揺らす探偵さん　『探偵さん！』
ノックスべゐべ　ガストンべゐべ　行かないで
and more　作者（先生）のヰヂワルヰケズ
列車トリック　発火トリック　難事件
推理作家の先生
うーだらぱーだらうーだらぱーだら云わないで
ああもう頭がこんがらがってきたけれど
こわいいかわいや　トリック暴いて通りゃんせ

oyoshi ni natte oyame ni natte kai jiken
osage yurasu tantei-san “tantei-san”
nokkusu beibe gasuton beibe ikanaide
and more sensei no ijiwaru ikezu
ressha torikku hakka torikku nan jiken
suiri sakka no sensei-san
uudara paadara uudara paadara iwanaide
aa mou atama ga kongaragatte kita keredo
kowaii kawai ya torikku abaite tooryan se

They stop and give up when faced with this strange incident.
The detective, with braids swaying… “Detective!”
Knox baby, Gaston baby, don’t go…
and more… the professor’s teasing is so wicked.
The professor is a mystery writer.
Don’t talk nonsense to me!
Enough already! My head’s already all tangled up in this…
Scary or cute? When I divulge the tricks, you may enter.

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(1) 花紋 (kamon) literally means ‘flower pattern’, but has likely been used to represent the English phrase ‘come on’.
(2) The Japanese phrase そして誰がいなくなった？ is a play on the title of Agatha Christie’s novel ‘And Then There Were None’ (そして誰もいなくなった)

Author references:

Ayatsuji Yukito
Arisugawa Arisu
Yokomizo Seishi
Edokawa Ranpo
Conan Doyle
Van Dine
Tsutsui Yasutaka
Matsumoto Seichou
Takagi Akimitsu
Unno Juuza
Sakaguchi Ango
Kurihara Mushitaro
Raymond Chandler
Yamamoto Koushi
Otsuichi
Ronald Knox
Gaston Leroux