ブラインド・エゴイスト || Blind Egoist

ブラインド・エゴイスト
buraindo egoisuto
Blind Egoist

Vocals: Kagamine Len (鏡音レン)
Music: TaKU.K
Lyrics: TaKU.K
Upload Date: 9 October 2019

Requested by: monomonopierrot
Watch the official video on YouTube!

All instances of 貴女 (anata – you) are feminine.

The bolded lyrics appear in the video and are not sung.


芽吹いて零れた瑣末な火種は
年月を貪り、大きく燃え広がっていく

mebuite koboreta samatsu na hidane wa
toshitsuki o musabori, ookiku moehirogatteiku

The trifling sparks that budded and spilled forth
indulged for months and years before burning grandly and spreading out.

愛情が注がれていく 少しずつ肥えていく
満たされて、浸されて、募っていく
生まれた意味を授けた
貴女に焦がれ、焦がされる

aijou ga sosogareteiku sukoshizutsu koeteiku
mitasarete, hitasarete, tsunotteiku
umareta imi o sazuketa
anata ni kogare, kogasareru

I’m filled with love and I swell, little by little.
I’m satisfied, immersed, and my feelings grow stronger.
I was granted a reason for being born.
I yearn for you and am burned by you.

宝の花飾りも、色褪せたフィルムも、
燃やされて、塗り潰され、灰となる
最期にこの眼で見た笑顔は
涙と狂気に塗れてた

takara no hanakazari mo, iroaseta firumu mo,
moyasarete, nuritsubusare, hai to naru
saigo ni kono me de mita egao wa
namida to kyouki ni mamireteta

My treasured floral ornament, and this faded film
are burned, painted over, and become ash.
The face I saw in the end
was covered in tears and madness.

なんて悲劇を抱えたまま
壊れ、崩れ、果ててゆくのでしょう
さあ、憐れみと慰みの此の祈り
捧げましょう

nante higeki o kakaeta mama
koware, kuzure, hateteyuku no deshou
saa, awaremi to nagusami no kono inori
sasagemashou

While embracing such tragedy,
Perhaps I will break, crumble away, and reach my end.
Now, shall I offer up my pity and amusement
and my prayers?

肺を焼き尽くしたこの痛みも、
オルゴールが刻む子守唄も、
過ちすら、私を象る全てなの
周りの誰もが貴女を責めても、
罪の果てを私は受け入れるよ
途切れ落ちた、回路

hai o yakitsukushita kono itami mo,
orugooru ga kizamu komoriuta mo,
ayamachi sura, watashi o katadoru subete na no
mawari no dare mo ga anata o semete mo,
tsumi no hate o watashi wa ukeireru yo
togire ochita, kairo

The pain that burned my lungs,
The lullaby played by the music box,
and even my mistakes form everything imitating me.
Though everyone around you may persecute you
I will accept the results of your sin.
The circuit was interrupted and fell.

■を食み、■を舐め回し、■を咀嚼し、
■を貪り、■を呑み込み、■を摂り込んでいく
■を奪い摂り、■を掠め摂り、■を刈り摂り、■を剥ぎ摂り、
■を毟り摂り、■を搾り摂り、■を排泄した

I eat ■, I lick ■, I chew ■.
I crave ■, I swallow ■, I take ■.
I steal ■, I plunder ■, I cut ■, I peel ■.
I pluck at ■, I squeeze ■, and I excreted ■.

惨状と虚ろな光景 黒く歪な情景
目が覚めて、熱は冷め、鼓動は失く
吐き気すら感じることが出来ない
燃殻を眺めてた

sanjou to utsuro na koukei kuroku ibitsu na joukei
me ga samete, netsu wa same, kodou wa naku
hakike sura kanjiru koto ga dekinai
moegara o nagameteta

This disastrous and empty scene is a dark, twisted sight.
I wake, my fever subsides, and I have no heartbeat.
I can’t even feel like vomiting.
I looked at the embers.

神がこの世にいるのなら、
どうしてこんな罰を私に与えたの?
ただ、夢見てた、焦がれてた、
愛してた、だけなのに

kami ga kono yo ni iru no nara,
doushite konna batsu o watashi ni ataeta no?
tada, yume miteta, kogareteta,
aishiteta, dake na no ni

If God is in this world,
Why did they bestow this sin upon me?
I just dreamed and yearned.
I was only in love.

そっと貴女だった髪と肌に
触れることすら叶わないのかな
覚めない温度 置き去りにされたこの心
傍で打ち捨てられた
二つの残骸には興味も示せないよ
貴女しか見えない

sotto anata datta kami to hada ni
fureru koto sura kanawanai no ka na
samenai ondo okizari ni sareta kono kokoro
katawara de uchisuterareta
futatsu no zangai ni wa kyoumi mo shimesenai yo
anata shika mienai

I wonder if I won’t even be able to softly touch
your hair and skin, which were once you.
I remain cold. My heart was left behind.
I was abandoned by your side.
I can’t show the slightest interest in the two ruins.
All I can see is you.

罠を張った蜘蛛は
少しずつ二羽の蝶の羽根を噛み潰す
気づかれないように時間を掛けて喰らった
毒を以て最後の仕上げに心を磨り潰す
汚れを残さず剥いで綺麗な私の完成
貴女と二人きりだね

wana o hatta kumo wa
sukoshizutsu ni wa no chou no hane o kami tsubusu
kizukarenai you ni jikan o kakete kuratta
doku omotte saigo no shiage ni kokoro o suritsubusu
yogore o nokosazu haide kirei na watashi no kansei
anata to futarikiri da ne

The spider that spun a trap
gradually chews up the wings of two butterflies.
It took its time to eat so it wouldn’t be noticed.
Like poison, it finished up by pulverising their hearts.
Tearing things off, leaving no impurities behind, was my neat completion.
You and I are alone together.

それだけが望みだったのに
この手に残ったのは意思だけ
でも気づいたの
貴女の中で綺麗なまま私は生きていける
冷めない夢の中心で
熱を帯びた想いが届いたんだ
零れてゆく身体を見つめ
ささやかな「アイ」を捧ぐ

sore dake ga nozomi datta no ni
kono te ni nokotta no wa ishi dake
demo kizuita no
anata no naka de kirei na mama watashi wa ikiteikeru
samenai yume no chuushin de
netsu o obita omoi ga todoita nda
koboreteyuku karada o mitsume
sasayaka na “ai” o sasagu

That was all I wished for
but only my intention was left in my hands.
Still, I realised
that I can continue to live inside you, clean like I am now.
In a dream I can’t awaken from,
I feverishly want my feelings to reach you.
I look at my body spilling over
and offer up my meagre ‘love.’
(1)

燻ることを忘れた成れの果ては
籠の中、虚ろな夢を焚き続けている

iburu koto o wasureta nare no hate wa
kago no naka, utsuro na yume o takitsuzuketeiru

At the ruin of what I one was, having forgotten how to smoulder,
I continue to kindle an empty dream in my cage.


(1) アイ (ai – love) is written in katakana. It is possible that it is meant to be interpreted as ‘I’, resulting in the following interpretation: ‘offer up my meagre self’.

4 thoughts on “ブラインド・エゴイスト || Blind Egoist

  1. Tempera December 7, 2019 / 8:52 pm

    I watched the PV while reading the translation, but I think I’m still confused about the story. From what I understand in the PV, the nun character seems to be obsessed with her mother (who is also dead) but hates her family? I wonder what was created first: the song or the story.

    There is some additional text in the PV transcribed here that may also be relevant: https://w.atwiki.jp/hmiku/pages/40009.html

    Liked by 1 person

    • Releska December 8, 2019 / 2:23 pm

      Thanks for sending the link to the extra transcribed text – I’ve added it to the translation (no romanisation since it isn’t sung). It’s interesting to note that a bunch of the verbs in the added stanza add 摂り (tori) at the end. This has heavy connotations of eating something.

      When I watch the video, I get the impression that the num-like character might not exist. It feels like she’s the embodiment of negative emotions – she whispers in the ears of the family members and seems to make them all turn against each other. Either that, or she’s what’s left over after the speaker burns up. I wonder whether the story came first as well…

      Like

  2. monomonopierrot December 8, 2019 / 7:03 pm

    !!! thank you so much for translating this! even though the story is still confusing even with an english translation, it’s easier to try and piece together everything now

    Liked by 1 person

    • Releska December 8, 2019 / 8:49 pm

      You’re welcome! Hopefully as time passes and people post more analyses/translations of the song things will get even clearer.

      Like

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