大っ嫌いだ || I hate

大っ嫌いだ
daikkirai da
I hate

Vocals: 初音ミク (Hatsune Miku)
Lyrics: SetsU (雨河雪)
Composed by: SetsU (雨河雪)
Release date: 2 March 2019

Requested by: bluecandyz
Watch the official video on YouTube!

The title translation appears to be the official translation. I made a conscious decision to translate it as “I hate myself” in the lyrics based on the subject matter of the song and reading how Japanese people used the word in the video’s YouTube comments.

Quite a few words are surrounded by quotation marks. Some are obvious quotes, which have been left in quotation marks. Others wouldn’t make sense as quotes – those have been underlined for emphasis instead.

I think this is an ultimately hopeful song – the speaker wants to give up but their heart continues to sing, giving them the strength to carry on. Regardless, if you find yourself feeling the same way as the protagonist, please reach out and talk to someone you trust!


「死にたい」と言っても死ねなくて
「生きたい」と言ったら死んでって
「死ね」と言われても死ねなくて
「生きろ」と言われたら死んでった
「綺麗でいろ」って馬鹿は言った
「個性は無くとも働け」って
その結果手元にあったのは
時間を殺したお給料だった。

“shinitai” to itte mo shinenakute
“ikitai” to ittara shinde tte
“shine” to iwarete mo shinenakute
“ikiro” to iwaretara shinde tta
“kirei de iro” tte baka wa itta
“kosei wa nakutomo hatarake” tte
sono kekka temoto ni atta no wa
jikan o koroshita o-kyuuryou datta.

Though I say “I want to die” I can’t die.
If I say “I want to live” then I’ll die.
Though I’m told “drop dead!” I can’t die.
If I’m told “live!” then I’ll die.
The fools said “live a beautiful life,” and
“though you’ve lost your individuality, work!”
So, what I held in my hands
was the paycheck that killed my time.

押し付けがましい「エゴ」吐いて
世間では「優しい人」だって?
「何を見て そうだ と言ったんだ」って
胸倉掴んで毒を吐いた
「いつからだ?」綺麗なお話も
許すことすらできなくなった?
知りたくもなけりゃ知らないままで
死んでしまいたいと口にした

oshitsuke gamashii “ego” haite
sekende wa “yasashii hito” datte?
“nani o mite sou da to itta nda” tte
munagura tsukande doku o haita
“itsu kara da?” kirei na ohanashi mo
yurusu koto sura dekinaku natta?
shiritaku mo nakerya shiranai mama de
shinde shimaitai to kuchi ni shita

Were the “kind people” in this world
those who did nothing but express their pushy egos?
“What are you looking at? That’s right—that’s what I said!”
They grabbed my collar and spat venom.
“Since when?” Can’t I even
allow lovely stories like this anymore?
If I don’t want to know, then I’ll stay ignorant.
Those words, “I want to die,” were on my lips

それでも「生き」が続いてんだ

sore demo “iki” ga tsudzuite nda              

yet life continued.

大っ嫌いだ 大っ嫌いだ
って何度も傷を衝けて泣いたって
何も変わんないんだ
明日もきっと涙流して
大っ嫌いだ もう嫌いだ
心は壊したはずだ
なのに「なんで」
今も「心」が歌ってんだ 「応えて」

daikkirai da daikkirai da
tte nando mo kizu o tsukete naitatte
nani mo kawannai nda
asu mo kitto namida nagashite
daikkirai da mou kirai da
kokoro wa kowashita hazu da
na no ni “nande”
ima mo “sore” ga utatte nda “kotaete”

I hate myself, I hate myself!
Though I poke at my wounds over and over and cry,
nothing will change.
I’ll definitely shed tears again tomorrow.
I hate myself. I really do!
My heart must have been destroyed.
Still, “why?”
Even now, my heart is singing. “Answer me!”

何も知らないのに馬鹿にして
ハンデを背負った人を笑う
壁の前に立ちすくんでいた
「子供」に「大人」が笑ってんだ
そんな「大人」を刺殺したんだ
すると人は「僕」を「悪」だと言う
何が「正義」かも麻痺している世間が人を笑った

nani mo shiranai no ni baka ni shite
hande o seotta hito o warau
kabe no mae ni tachisukunde ita
“kodomo” ni “otona” ga waratte nda
sonna “hito” o sashikorosu shita nda
suru to hito wa “boku” o “aku” da to iu
nani ga “seigi” kamo mahi shite iru seken ga hito o waratta

They don’t know anything but they make fun of them
and laugh at people burdened with a handicap.
Standing stock still in front of the wall
the adults were laughing at the children.
I stabbed those adults to death.
When I do that, they call me evil.
Society, paralysed wondering what is right, laughed at people.

大っ嫌いだ 大っ嫌いだ
ってことばの重さだけが軽くなって
「自己」が消えてくんだ
きっとこれからも全て
全部全部 大っ嫌いだ
知ったように語るやつも
もう「嫌だ」
もうしゃべんな 「わかってるから」

daikkirai da daikkirai da
tte kotoba no omosa dake ga karuku natte
“jiko” ga kieteku nda
kitto kore kara mo subete
zenbu zenbu daikkirai da
shitta you ni kataru yatsu mo
mou “iya da”
mou shaben na “wakatteru kara”

I hate myself, I hate myself.
Only the weight of those words grows lighter.
My sense of self is fading away
and after this everything else will, too.
I hate absolutely everything!
As for those people, talking like they already know,
I hate them.
Stop talking. “I get it, I get it.”

綺麗事が子供押し殺した
お金が時間を押し潰した
見栄が人生を馬鹿にした

kireigoto ga kodomo oshikoro shita
okane ga jikan o oshitsubushita
mie ga jinsei o baka ni shita

Hollow words smothered the children.
Money crushed time.
Vanity ridiculed life.

「それでいいんだ」って「言えない」からさ
「否定」しか「肯定」出来ないんだ

“sore de ii nda” tte “ienai” kara sa
“hitei” shika “koutei” dekinai nda

“That’s fine.” I just can’t say those words.
All I can affirm is what I deny.

救い様もない
救い様もない

sukui you mo nai
sukui you mo nai

I’m beyond help.
I’m beyond help.

大っ嫌いだ大っ嫌いだ
って何度も傷を衝けて泣いたって
何も変わんないんだ
明日もきっと涙汚して
大っ嫌いだ もう嫌いだ
心は「壊したはずだ」
なのに「なんで」
今も「君」は「歌ってんだ?」
死んでしまえ

daikkirai da daikkirai da
tte nando mo kizu o tsukete naitatte
nani mo kawannai nda
asu mo kitto namida kegashite
daikkirai da mou kirai da
kokoro wa “kowashita hazu da
na no ni “nande”
ima mo “kimi” wa “utatte nda?”
shinde shimae

I hate myself, I hate myself!
Though I poke at my wounds over and over and cry,
nothing will change.
Tears will definitely stain my face again tomorrow.
I hate myself. I really do!
My heart must have been destroyed.
Still, why?
Even now, you’re singing, aren’t you?
Drop dead!

大っ嫌いだ 大っ嫌いだ
「苦労が美徳だ」って「もう」
救えないな 救えないな
そんな中「生きてんだ」
傷をつけて 傷つけられて
最低な朝が来た
もう世界は「換えられないな」
そんな世界 大っ嫌いだ
「大っ嫌いだ」

daikkirai da daikkirai da
“kurou ga bitoku da” tte “mou”
sukuenai na sukue nai na
sonna naka “ikite nda”
kizu o tsukete kizutsukerarete
saitei na asa ga kita
mou sekai wa “kaerarenai na”
sonna sekai daikkirai da
“daikkirai da”

I hate myself, I hate myself!
“Hardships are a virtue,” but really
I’m beyond help. I’m beyond help.
In that state, I live.
I wound and am wounded
and the worst morning arrives.
This world can’t be replaced now
and I just can’t stand it.
“I hate—”

4 thoughts on “大っ嫌いだ || I hate

  1. raineydayparade May 11, 2020 / 8:56 am

    Thanks!

    Can you translate their composer comment, too? 🙂 “平成最後の「弱音」と「本音」”

    Like

    • Releska May 11, 2020 / 7:32 pm

      Sure thing!

      “The final ‘whining’ and ‘frankness’ of the Heisei era.”

      本音 (honne), contrasted with 建前 (tatemae – your public position/official stance), refers to what you really think under the surface.

      Like

      • raineydayparade May 16, 2020 / 9:39 am

        (Sorry for the late reply, my notifications don’t seem to want to load lol) Thanks!

        Liked by 1 person

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