自己採点 || Self-Marking

日本語

眠りにつくまでの時間が怖くて仕方ないな
否応なしに開催される脳内反省会
これまでの自分　答え合わせ
毎回赤点の人生　居残りの余生だ
また枕が濡れた あぁ

叶いもしない夢を見た事
期待を裏切った事
親や恋人を泣かせた事
産まれ落ちた事
この期に及んでこんな歌を性懲りもなく歌う事
なんならちょっとだけ気持ち良くなってる事

どこ切り取っても愚かだ
こうして僕は今日も夜を更かすのでした

掃いて捨てるほどのゴミにもなれないのだ
空白の履歴書　自殺マニュアルとポエム
常夜灯の明滅が僕の命を表した
お前はいいよ　替えが利くんだもん
どうにか僕もやり直せないもんかね

眠りにつくまでの時間が嫌いで仕方ないな
まぶたを閉じれば逃げ場のない現実上映会
安い時給にボロいアパート　隣人の情事がうぜぇ
「こんなはずでは」　そりゃ馬鹿の言う言葉だ

努力したその先に望んだゴールがあるのならば
僕は今頃日本武道館のステージで
拍手も涙も独り占めにしていたはずだ
なんてね　ないよね
今のはなかったことにしてくれ

人生の主役が掃いて捨てるほどのゴミにもなれないのだ
そんな”物語の主人公”もいる世界だ
大逆転の展開は漫画やアニメの話でしかない
それを知って尚も生きるなら
どんな生き方であろうと”正解”になるかな

Romanisation

nemuri ni tsuku made no jikan ga kowakute shikatanai na
iyaounashi ni kaisai sareru nounai hanseikai
kore made no jibun kotaeawase
maikai akaten no jinsei inokori no yosei da
mata makura ga nureta aa

kanai mo shinai yume o mita koto
kitai o uragitta koto
oya ya koibito o nakaseta koto
umareochita koto
kono go ni oyonde konna uta o shoukori mo naku utau koto
nan nara chotto dake kimochiyoku natteru koto

doko kiritotte mo oroka da
koushite boku wa kyou mo yoru o fukasu no deshita

haite suteru hodo no gomi ni mo narenai no da
kuuhaku no rirekisho jisatsu manuaru to poemu
jouyatou no meimetsu ga boku no inochi o arawashita
omae wa ii yo kae ga kiku nda mon
dou ni ka boku mo yarinaosenai mon ka ne

nemuri ni tsuku made no jikan ga kirai de shikatanai na
mabuta o tojireba nigeba no nai genjitsu joueikai
yasui jikyuu ni boroi apaato rinjin no jouji ga uzee
“konna hazu de wa” sorya baka no iu kotoba da

doryoku shita sono saki ni nozonda gooru ga aru no naraba
boku wa imagoro nihon budoukan no suteeji de
hakushu mo namida mo hitorijime ni shite ita hazu da
nante ne nai yo ne
ima no wa nakatta koto ni shite kure

jinsei no shuyaku ga haite suteru hodo no gomi ni mo narenai no da
sonna “monogatari no shujinkou” mo iru sekai da
daigyakuten no tenkai wa manga ya anime no hanashi de shikanai
sore o shitte nao mo ikiru nara
donna iki kata de arou to “seikai” ni naru ka na

Translation

I can’t help fearing the time before I fall asleep.
A post-mortem inevitably starts in my mind.
I check answers with myself from up ‘till now
and each time I fail. The rest of my life is just overtime.
My pillow is wet again. Ah…

I’ve had a dream that won’t come true.
I’ve had my expectations betrayed.
I’ve made my parents or my lover cry.
I’ve been born.
I’ve doggedly sung this song, even this late.
And, if it suits you, I’ve felt just a little bit good.

No matter where I cut, it’s foolish.
And just like that, I stayed up late again tonight.

I can’t even be dime-a-dozen trash.
This is my blank history: a suicide manual and a poem.
The flickering nightlight represents my life.
You’re fine. They’re all the same.
Anyway, I can’t do things over either, can I?

I can’t help hating the time before I fall asleep.
When I close my eyes, it’s an inescapable screening session of reality.
My wage is low and my apartment is shabby. My neighbour has such noisy sex!
“It’s not meant to be like this.” Those are the words of an idiot.

If the goal I expected lies at the end of this effort
the here in this Japanese martial arts stadium (1)
I should have had all their applause and tears to myself.
As if! No way.
Just act like that never happened.

Life’s protagonist can’t become dime-a-dozen trash.
This is a word where that sort of ‘protagonist of a tale’ lives.
Grand turnabouts only exist in manga or anime.
If I’ll live, even knowing that,
then maybe, no matter how I do it, it’ll become the ‘right choice’.