名探偵連続殺人事件 || The Serial Murders of Great Detectives

Requested by: Tempera
Watch the official video here!

I translated another track from this series previously. This track takes the references to the next level – it makes it tough to translate, because so much more meaning can be gained from what you hear, rather than from what you read. Realistically, every line could use a translation note!

I was lucky enough to find a blog post in Japanese that outlines a lot of the references. I’ve placed the list at the bottom of the translation – see if you can hear them all!

Like usual, there’s a bit of an introduction in the video description:
“Professor! For the first time in a while, we’ve got a big incident!”
It was a Japanese summer: the schoolgirl detective’s summer.

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悪漢ベヰカーストリヰト雷雨　七つ道具は質屋へ
悪路井戸落とされ探偵がまた一人姿を消したといふ
綾なす辻のAlice側　横溝掃除は江戸川か
神田最弱探偵さん　こんなんどう？　居ると思う？

akkan beikaa sutoriito raiu nantsu dougu wa shichiya he
akuro ido otosare tantei ga mata hitori sugata o keshita to iu
ayanasu tsuji no Alice gawa yokomizo souji wa edogawa ka
kanda saijaku tantei-san konnan dou? iru to omou?

Scoundrel! Storm clouds gathered on Baker Street. The tools of the trade were headed for the pawnshop.
They say a detective was dropped into the evil alley’s well—like that, another was bumped off.
Near the brightly decorated street, Arisugawa, is Yokomizu cleaning Edogawa?
So, weakest detective in Kanda, what do you think? Do they exist?

ナンマンダブ　ステップ踏み　脳髄是密室なりや
グーとチーで合った人　愚と智で分かれましょう
謎解きはこれから

nan man dabu suteppu fumi nouzui kore misshitsu nari ya
guu to chii de atta hito gu to chi de wakaremashou
nazotoki wa kore kara

Lord have mercy. I tread on the steps, and my brain is a locked room.
Rock, scissors, who matches? We’ll use it to group them into wise and foolish people.
The riddle’s solution is coming up:

「犯人はあなたですね」

“hannin wa anata desu ne”

“You’re the culprit!”

列車トリック　発火トリック　難事件
推理作家の先生さん　『阿破破』
うーだらぱーだらうーだらぱーだら云わないで
ああもう頭がこんがらがってきたけれど

ressha torikku hakka torikku nan jiken
suiri sakka no sensei-san “ahaha”
uudara paadara uudara paadara iwanaide
aa mou atama ga kongaragatte kita keredo

Train tricks, fire tricks, and accidents.
The professor is a mystery writer. “Ahaha!”
Don’t talk nonsense to me!
Enough already! My head’s already all tangled up in this…

どっとはらい　どっと混む　熱茶々々々　巴里巴里（パリパリ）
海鷂魚（えい）　鰤　場で椀子蕎麦「謎はおやつに入りません」
どっとはらい　どっと混む　熱茶々々々　丼舎利貪舎利（どんしゃりどんしゃり）
エブリバディアリバイないないない

dotto harai dotto komu accha cha cha cha pari pari
ei buri ba de wanko soba “nazo wa oyatsu ni hairimasen”
dotto harai dotto komu neccha cha cha cha donshari donshari
eburibadi aribai nai nai nai

That’s that. Dot com. Accha cha cha cha! Paris, Paris.
Stingrays, yellowtails, wanko soba served at that place: “Riddles shouldn’t be eaten as snacks.”
That’s that. Dot com. Accha cha cha cha! Donshari, donshari.
Everybody has no alibi, no alibi!

花紋

kamon

Come on… (1)

etcラヰヘンバッハ鴉啼き　番台さん突いて御清聴
織り笑むと旧校舎の窓あの怪盗達が待つといふ
高木（こうぼく）に二人　海野原　坂口暗号無視したろう？
ＡＢＣだか恵比寿だか　「檸檬どう？」ちゃんとして

etc raihenbahha karasu naki bandai-san tsuite go-seichou
ori emu to kyuu-kousha no mado ano kaitou-tachi ga matsu to iu
kouboku ni futari unno hara sakaguchu angou mushi shitarou?
ABC da ka ebisu da ka “remon dou?” chanto shite

etc Reichenbach. The raven cries. The attendant was stabbed, pay kind attention.
They say the phantom thieves await at the window of the former school building with smiles all stitched up.
Two people are in a tall tree. The sea field. Did they ignore Sakaguchi’s code?
Is it ABC or Ebisu? “How are the lemons?” Be serious!

甲が乙を隠す　そんじゃ降参鑑識さんお疲れさん
四捨五入やってみな　死者五人どこいった
謎解きはまだまだ

kou ga otsu o kakusu son ja kousan kanshiki-san otsukaresan
shisha gonyuu yatte mina shisha gonin doko itta
nazotoki wa mada mada

The plaintiff hides the defendant. Like that, surrender. Thanks, forensics!
Let’s try rounding up – where did the five dead people go?
The solution is still distant…

「そして誰がいなくなった？」

“soshite dare ga inaku natta?”

“And then who died” (2)

およしになって　おやめになって　怪事件
おさげ揺らす探偵さん　『探偵さん』
ノックスべゐべ　ガストンべゐべ　行かないで
and more　作者（先生）のヰヂワルは毎度

oyoshi ni natte oyame ni natte kai jiken
osage yurasu tantei-san “tantei-san”
nokkusu beibe gasuton beibe ikanaide
and more sensei no ijiwaru wa maido

They stop and give up when faced with this strange incident.
The detective, with braids swaying… “Detective!”
Knox baby, Gaston baby, don’t go…
and more… the professor’s (author’s) teasing comes every time.

どっとはらい　どっと混む　熱茶々々々　巴里巴里（パリパリ）
海鷂魚（えい）　鰤　場で椀子蕎麦「たまには自分で考えたまえ」
どっとはらい　どっと混む　熱茶々々々　丼舎利貪舎利（どんしゃりどんしゃり）
エブリバディアリバイないないない

dotto harai dotto komu accha cha cha cha pari pari
ei buri ba de wanko soba “tama ni wa jibun de kangae tamae”
dotto harai dotto komu neccha cha cha cha donshari donshari
eburibadi aribai nai nai nai

That’s that. Dot com. Accha cha cha cha! Paris, Paris.
Stingrays, yellowtails, wanko soba served at that place: “Try thinking for yourself sometimes!”
That’s that. Dot com. Accha cha cha cha! Donshari, donshari.
Everybody has no alibi, no alibi!

怪盗連盟の罠にはまり、次々と姿を消していく名探偵達
そして探偵の居ぬ間に人々の心は密室となった

kaitou renmei no wana ni hamari, tsugi tsugi to sugata o keshite iku meitantei-tachi
soshite tantei no inu ma ni hito bito no kokoro wa misshitsu to natta

Plunged into the phantom thief alliance’s trap, the great detectives disappeared one by one.
And, while the detectives were away, people’s hearts became locked rooms.

「でも、それならどうしてあたしだけが無事だったんでしょうか？」
「その答えはひとつしか考えられない」
「と、云うと……？」
「あまりに無能すぎるが故に、きみは探偵として勘定にも入れられていなかったのだ！」
「いーやー！」

“demo, sore nara doushite atashi dake ga buji datta ndeshou ka?”
“sono kotae wa hitotsu shika kangaerarenai”
“to, iu to…?”
“amari ni munou sugiru ga yue ni, kimi wa tantei toshite kanjou ni mo hairerarete inakatta no da!”
“iiyaa!”

“In that case, why am I the only one who’s safe?”
“I can only think of one answer.”
“And what’s that…?”
“You’re so incompetent you haven’t even been counted as a detective!”
“Nooooo!”

およしになって　おやめになって　怪事件
おさげ揺らす探偵さん　『探偵さん！』
ノックスべゐべ　ガストンべゐべ　行かないで
and more　作者（先生）のヰヂワルヰケズ
列車トリック　発火トリック　難事件
推理作家の先生
うーだらぱーだらうーだらぱーだら云わないで
ああもう頭がこんがらがってきたけれど
こわいいかわいや　トリック暴いて通りゃんせ

oyoshi ni natte oyame ni natte kai jiken
osage yurasu tantei-san “tantei-san”
nokkusu beibe gasuton beibe ikanaide
and more sensei no ijiwaru ikezu
ressha torikku hakka torikku nan jiken
suiri sakka no sensei-san
uudara paadara uudara paadara iwanaide
aa mou atama ga kongaragatte kita keredo
kowaii kawai ya torikku abaite tooryan se

They stop and give up when faced with this strange incident.
The detective, with braids swaying… “Detective!”
Knox baby, Gaston baby, don’t go…
and more… the professor’s teasing is so wicked.
The professor is a mystery writer.
Don’t talk nonsense to me!
Enough already! My head’s already all tangled up in this…
Scary or cute? When I divulge the tricks, you may enter.

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(1) 花紋 (kamon) literally means ‘flower pattern’, but has likely been used to represent the English phrase ‘come on’.
(2) The Japanese phrase そして誰がいなくなった？ is a play on the title of Agatha Christie’s novel ‘And Then There Were None’ (そして誰もいなくなった)

Author references:

Ayatsuji Yukito
Arisugawa Arisu
Yokomizo Seishi
Edokawa Ranpo
Conan Doyle
Van Dine
Tsutsui Yasutaka
Matsumoto Seichou
Takagi Akimitsu
Unno Juuza
Sakaguchi Ango
Kurihara Mushitaro
Raymond Chandler
Yamamoto Koushi
Otsuichi
Ronald Knox
Gaston Leroux