エバ || Eva

Comments

12 responses to “エバ || Eva”

1. 

   Tackmyn Y.

   18 June 2021

   Geez, I’m terribly sorry that I didn’t reply sooner…!
   I agree with your suggested translation, and I’m also at a loss where and how to put “I wanna be.” Perhaps putting the whole “I want you to love me, (and) I wanna be…” in double quotation marks would work…? Like, 「Though I understand (that you think) “I want you to love me, I wanna be…”」
   And, this is such a strange question, but we have no choice but to leave アイワナビー as it is, right?

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   1. 

      Releska

      19 June 2021

      No worries! I appreciated coming back to it after a bit of a break. I like your idea of putting it in double quotation marks – I made some changes and ended up with this:

      ‘You’re thinking “I want you to love me,
      that’s where I wanna be.” I get that,
      but come on, keep it up
      and you’ll wind up being hated.’

      I added in “that’s where” before アイワナビー – I think it forms a more complete sentence, and the effect is something like “I wanna be (in a position where you love me)”.

      I also changed the last two lines because I thought they’re kind of like a warning – こうして is normally translated as ‘like this’, but I wondered if it might work better when viewed as ‘if things stay as they are’ or ‘(if you don’t change your behaviour and keep going) like this’. It might be a bit too strong since we have だろう at the end of 嫌われてくだろう…

      And now I’m wondering if we could change “and you’ll wind up being hated” to “and I might end up hating you”…

      Also, since アイワナビー is in katakana I think we change it around a bit, since it has become a Japanese word! Let me know what you think. It’s definitely worth the time and effort if we end up with a translation closer to what Hiiragi Kirai intended…!

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2. 

   Tackmyn Y.

   23 December 2020

   Hello! It’s been a while. This isn’t a big deal… well it might be, but I found a tweet done by Hiiragi Kirai referring to interpretation of あなた 愛して欲しいの アイワナビーとはわかるけど… which suggests “I want you to love me” could be wrong. (It’s too ambiguous, isn’t it…)
   Here’s the link: https://twitter.com/Kirai_dark/status/1227903823605186560
   So, could you re-consider it when you really don’t have anything else to do? Thank you in advance!

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   1. 

      Releska

      23 December 2020

      Hello! Thank you for pointing this out. It seems that the half space between あなた and the rest is significant…

      So, if it should be interpreted as 「あなた(は)『愛して欲しいのアイワナビー』とはわかりますけどね…」
      I wonder if we’d end up with “Though I understand that you want me to love you.” But we still have to fit ‘I wanna be in there.’ It’s very ambiguous!

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3. 

   Tackmyn Y.

   11 July 2020

   Hello! I’m Tackmyn.
   I was very busy but now I’m not so much, so I’m going to make a list of lines in need of revision or further interpretation like we once did. And which language would you like, English or Japanese?
   I mean, I thought it’d be better to write it in Japanese than English in that my English might be sometimes unnatural and hard to understand, and that I would be able to make the document sooner, and that it could help improve your Japanese-reading skills.
   But if you’d like me to make it in English, feel free to tell me so! I can rack my brain then, which would be very good for me.

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   1. 

      Releska

      11 July 2020

      Hello! That sounds great, I’d love to get some more feedback from you – also happy for you to write it in Japanese too (^_^) I’m looking forward to reading it! (If there are parts you’d like to write in English, that’s fine too)

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      1. 

         Tackmyn Y.

         29 August 2020

         Hello, it’s been a while! I’ve been dead busy lately… here’s a document which shows some lines to be revised or reconsidered.
         https://docs.google.com/document/d/1W-O1VLEVf1VI0sjDmgoKR3BM7Z6-tcVD0YDe3jBcMBk/edit?usp=sharing
         You can comment anything you’d like to here. I don’t know if we can have a real-time conversation, actually…
         And, I am sorry in advance for writing too long. My writings is too messy and I couldn’t organize my thoughts very well… If you should have sentences which is hard to understand, it’s all my fault so don’t hesitate to tell me. Hope you’ll find this helpful!

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         1. 

            Releska

            30 August 2020

            Hello!! Like always, I really appreciate this and look forward to reading your suggestions and updating the translation to get us closer to the author’s intended meaning 😎

            I’ll leave a note at the start of the translation when I’m finished reviewing it, but will also leave another comment beneath this one (so you should get a message).

            I’ll do the same thing if I have any questions!! Once again, I really appreciate you taking the time to do this 😊

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         2. 

            Releska

            5 October 2020

            Hello again! I hope you’ve been well (^_^) I was finally able to properly read through your feedback, and I made some edits to the translation based on your comments. It was really helpful!

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            1. 

               Tackmyn Y.

               11 October 2020

               Hello! I’ve just noticed your comment and updates. Thank you very much for everything again, I’m so glad that I could be of help to you!

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4. 

   Tackmyn Y.

   5 June 2020

   Oho, you did this too! Well… the lyrics Hiiragi writes are so difficult that even the Japanese sometimes don’t understand. I think it’s one of the factors in making their songs addictive… it’s killing us though!
   I translated this song before (it’s on the English (US) caption on the official video, I’m planning to revise some lines after reading your translation) and my translation is pretty different from yours, but this time I can’t force you to alter some parts… well, maybe we can discuss the lyrics just like we did before, if you’d like. But let me say that this translation has far fewer mistakes I can point out– possibly zero– than Autophagy’s.

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   1. 

      Releska

      6 June 2020

      Thanks for your comment (^_^) Also good to hear there’s less mistakes, these lyrics are always tough to interpret but really interesting too!

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