なりそこない || A Failure

日本語

「ああ低俗だ」　並ぶスープ皿をひっくり返して
甘い匂い　吐き気と　嫌悪を押さえつけて
低俗だ　「他人の不幸は蜜の味」
スープ皿いっぱい　どろりと垂れた

ああ　いつかは偽りなき正しい人生を
鬱屈も　軽蔑も　殺さなきゃ 殺さなきゃ
汚いな　汚いなぁ　何度も洗い流すのに
「低俗だ」「低俗だ」　声が重なる

純粋で　従順で
損して生きてもいいから
認めたい　満たされたい
正しく生きてると

ねえ　ここらで気付きなよ
あなたはいつまでも　きっと愚かで浅はかな肉塊
わたしとおんなじね

また同じ　夢を見る　べたりと汗が染みる
低俗も俗悪も　嫌悪し続けよう
笑えばいい　低能と　下手くそと　吐き続けりゃいい
知ってるよ　そんなの誰よりも知ってるよ

純朴で　善人で
それでも　そう在りたいんだよ
認めてよ　満たしたい
まだ生きていたいと

ねえ　ここらで教えよう
あなたには生涯　きっと自覚できないでしょう　「命」を
ねえ　わたしを受け入れて

ねえ　それでも生きていくの？
あなたはいつまでも　きっと愚かで浅はかな 肉塊
わたしとは違うのね

ねえ　最期に教えましょう
あなたには生涯 　ずうっと痛みがつきまとう
愚かで　不器用な　人間よ
ああ

Romanisation

“aa teizoku da” narabu suupu sara o hikkurikaeshite
amai nioi hakike to ken’o o osaetsukete
teizoku da “tanin no fukou wa mitsu no aji”
suupu sara ippai dorori to tareta

aa itsuka wa itsuwari naki tadashii jinsei o
ukkutsu mo keibetsu mo korosanakya korosanakya
kitanai na kitanai naa nando mo arainagasu noni
“teizoku da” “teizoku da” koe ga kasanaru

junsui de juujun de
son shite ikitemo ii kara
mitometai mitasaretai
tadashiku ikiteru to

nee kokora de kizuki na yo
anata wa itsu made mo kitto oroka de asahaka na nikukai
watashi to onnaji ne

mata onaji yume o miru betari to ase ga shimiru
teizoku mo zokuaku mo ken’o shitsuzukeyou
waraeba ii teinou to hetakuso to haki tsudzukerya ii
shitteru yo sonna no dare yori mo shitteru yo

junboku de zennin de
sore demo sou aritai nda yo
mitomete yo mitashitai
mada ikite itai to

nee kokora de oshieyou
anata ni wa shougai kitto jikaku dekinai deshou “inochi” o
nee watashi o ukeirete

nee sore demo ikite iku no?
anata wa itsu made mo kitto oroka de asahaka na niku kai
watashi to wa chigau no ne

nee saigo ni oshiemashou
anata ni wa shougai zuutto itami ga tsukimatou
oroka de bukiyou na ningen yo
aa

Translation

“Ah, how vulgar!” I flipped over the lined-up soup bowls.
A sweet scent. I held down my nausea and disgust.
How vulgar. “The misfortune of others tastes like honey.”
The soup bowls were full of it, dripping down gooily.

Ah, I want to someday live a proper life without falsehood.
I’ve gotta kill depression and contempt. I’ve got to.
They’re so dirty, so dirty. No matter how many times I rinse them
“How vulgar!” “How vulgar!” The voices layer up.

Pure and obedient,
it’s fine to live while suffering losses
so I want to be noticed, I want to be satisfied
that I’m living in the proper way.

Hey, notice it now!
You’ll always be a foolish, shallow lump of meat.
You’re the same as me.

I have the same dream again. I’m covered in sweat.
I’ll keep living while hating vulgarity and coarseness.
Laugh. Just keep spitting out those words, “you’re an idiot!” “You’re hopeless!”
I know. I know that more than anyone else.

I’m unsophisticated and virtuous,
but… well, I want to be that way.
Acknowledge me. I want to satisfy you
by saying I still want to live.

Hey, I’ll let you know around here.
You probably can’t ever become self-aware of your ‘life.’
Come on, accept me.

Hey, even so, will you live?
You’ll always be a foolish, shallow lump of meat.
You’re different to me.

Hey, I’ll tell you at your last moments.
Pain was shadowing you for your whole life.
You were a foolish, clumsy human.
Ah…