百鬼蛇行 || Meandering of One Hundred Oni

日本語

ついにやってきた 入試の日
我らに課せられた8つの試練
他の受験生を邪魔してでも
我らは 必ず 合格してみせるからな

「第一の試練・人間化」
「第二の試練・常識」
「第三の試練・学力」
「第四の試練・運動」
「第五の試練・金銭感覚」
「第六の試練・コミュ力」
「第七の試練・恋愛観」
「第八の試練・ファッション」

「とある人間界の高校が人間以外の生徒を募集した。様々な事情で人間界を目指すバケモノたちが人気のない森の中にある入学試験会場に集う。必要とされるのは学力だけではなく人間界で生きていくためのあらゆる能力だ。果たして赤鬼の綾と青鬼の唯は合格できるのだろうか……」

【第一の試練・人間化】で狙うは
豪傑ひまわり・八雲
赤)まずはアイツだ！
青)ああ
年頃らしい身長に上手く化けられない
赤)靴底削ってさらに小さくしてやるぜ
彼らは肉を削られて踏み台にされたのだった
赤)虎パン痛ぇ
青)これがアリとされるなよ……

【第二の試練・常識】で狙うは
腹黒猫人間・六郷
青)次アイツは？
赤)う〜ん……
人間とのハーフの彼には勝ち目がない
青)宝物のコンビーフをあげて味方にしよう
彼らは「試験中だよ」と常識的に断られた
青)おいしいのに
赤)おいしいのに！
赤)おいしいのに！

【第三の試練・学力】で狙うは
貧弱地底人・地根
赤)アイツ弱そうだぜ！
青)フフ
メガネを煮染めたような知能を有している
赤)消しゴムにシャー芯を埋め込んでやるぜ
彼らは試験後半身を大地に埋められたのだった

【第四の試験・運動】で狙うは
奔法天狗・天葉
青)アレはアホそうだ
赤)だな！
人間レベルに上手く抑えられないらしい
青)カエルの卵ぶつけたら全力で飛び退くな
彼らは卵を慎重に運ぶ天葉の優しさに涙した
赤)良い奴だな……

ついにやってきた 入試の日
我らの成績はちょっとイマイチ
思ったほど邪魔も効かないが
我らは 必ず 合格してみせるからな

「試験は折り返し地点。しかしすでに綾と唯は大きく遅れを取っていた。ここから逆転するには他の受験生引きずり下ろすしかない。彼らはさらに攻めの姿勢を強める。」

【第五の試練・金銭感覚】で狙うは
ゴリモテ通貨・金丸
正体のせいで露骨にド贔屓されている
青)なんかアイツだけ……
赤)だよな
青)不正だ！審査は平等であるべき！
彼らは悪役にされて金丸はたくさん味方を得た
赤)え！？ちょっ
青)そ、そんな
赤)こ、これが人間社会か！

【第六の試練・コミュ力】で狙うは
激ボッチのバラ・姫乃
「人間(♂)にはモテるし」とこぼし
パンを持ってトイレへ
青)おいおい……
赤)いくらなんでも……
赤)さすがにかわいそう。話しかけてやろう
彼らは痴漢に仕立て上げられ姫乃はたくさん味方を得た
青)え！？ちょっ
赤)そ、そんな
青)こ、これが人間社会か！

【第七の試練・恋愛観】で狙うは
べっちょり粘着リス・小松
恋人の私物を口に含む性癖がある
赤)…うれしいか？
青)怖すぎ…
青)口説いて4日モノの靴下を食ませてやる
彼らは50秒後靴下の燃えカスを見つけたのだった。
赤)おい、これ…
青)えぇ…？
赤)泣きそうなんだけど

【第八の試練・ファッション】で狙うは
クソ落伍首輪・神田川
自慢の服を苦笑され遺書を書き始めた
赤・青)ダセェ！
赤)馬糞を塗って変な模様を足してやる
彼らは40秒後センスのない服の燃えカスを見つけたのだった
赤)まあいっか

赤・青)ああ！こんなはずじゃなかったのに
まるで歯が立たない8つの試練
結局誰一人ジャマできず
かえって評価を上げちゃったかもしれないぞ

彼らは結果の改ざんを目論む
全ての文字は消しゴムで消せると思っていた
評価用紙を前に絶望
【人間化】以外最悪だった

【人間化】抜群に優れている
【常識】常識外れの極み
【学力】何も考えずこなす
【体育】ギリ生きられるレベル
【金銭感覚】節約せず全力
【コミュ力】強気でグイグイいく
【恋愛観】照れはあるが興味あり
【若者文化】靴下だけ履いていない

赤)絶対合格する！
青)尊厳を取り戻す！
ここで終わるわけにはいかない！
赤)けど文字が消えない……
青)なんて意地悪なんだ……
赤・青)そうだ！切り取って順番を入れ替えよう！

【人間化】の評価「抜群に優れている」を【常識】に
赤)お歳暮はジュースにしよっと
【常識】の評価「常識外れの極み」を【学力】に
青)偏差値？86億だけど？
【学力】の評価「何も考えずこなす」を【運動】に
赤)体が勝手に動くんでね
【運動】の評価「ギリ生きられるレベル」を【金銭感覚】に
青)あっちのスーパーが安いんだ
【金銭感覚】の評価「節約せずに全力」を【コミュ力】に
赤)皆で協力しようぜ！
【コミュ力】の評価「強気でグイグイいく」を【恋愛観】に
青)次は2人で会おうよ
【恋愛観】の評価「照れはあるが興味あり」を【ファッション】に
赤)に、似合うかな…？
【ファッション】の評価「靴下だけ履いていない」を【人間化】に
青)あ、忘れちゃいました☆

赤・青)これは完璧な作戦だ 多少不自然だが
バレやしない
もう合格は決まったようなもの
震えて 我らを 待っていろよ
人間ども！

Translation

Red/Blue: Entrance exam day has arrived at last!
We’re assigned with eight tests.
We’ll get in the other test-takers’ way
but we’ll show you we can pass!

The first test: Humanification
The second test: Common Sense
The third test: Knowledge
The fourth test: Exercise
The fifth test: Financial Sense
The sixth test: Communication Skills
The seventh test: Philosophy of Love
The eighth test: Fashion

“A certain high school in the human world was seeking non-human students. Monsters, with their sights set on the human world for various reasons, gathered at the entrance exam venue in an unpopular forest. Scholarly ability wasn’t the only thing required—one also needed abilities to live in the human world. Can the red oni Aya and the blue oni Yui really pass…?”

The one you’re aiming for in ‘Humanification’
is the heroic sunflower Yakumo.
Red: They’re first!
Blue: Yeah!
They can’t really transform and grow to a mature height.
Red: I’m gonna cut down their soles and make them smaller!
The duo were cut down and used as a stool.
Red: Those tiger pants hurt!
Blue: Don’t think of this as a good thing…

The one you’re aiming for in ‘Common Sense’
is the wily cat-human Rokugou.
Blue: That guy’s next?
Red: Hm…
They’ve got no chance against that half-human.
Blue: I’ll give him my prized corned beef and get him on our side!
Of course they were turned down, it’s common sense: “We’re doing a test!”
Blue: But it’s so tasty…
Red: But it’s so tasty!
Red: But it’s so tasty!

The one you’re aiming for in ‘Knowledge’
is the poor Underground Man, Chine.
Red: He looks weak!
Blue: Hehe…
He’s so smart it’s like he’s got the essence of glasses in him.
Red: I’m gonna stuff lead in his eraser!
After the test they were half-buried.

The one you’re aiming for in ‘Exercise’
is the speedy tengu Amaba.
Blue: They look like a fool!
Red: Totally!
Looks like he couldn’t really hold himself back to a human level.
Blue: He’s gonna go flying full pelt when I hit him with some tadpoles!
They shed tears at Amaba’s kindness as he carefully carried the tadpoles.
Red: He’s such a good guy…

Red/Blue: Entrance exam day has arrived at last!
Our grades aren’t too good.
Our mischief didn’t work as well as we thought
but we’ll show you we can pass!

“We’ve reached the halfway point of the exam, and yet Aya and Yui have fallen behind. They’ve got no choice but to drag the other test-takers down now. They further strengthened their fighting spirit.”

The one you’re aiming for in ‘Financial Sense’
is the super popular currency, Kanemaru.
His true form makes him blatantly favourited.
Blue: Why’s it just him…?
Red: Right?
Blue: It’s not fair! The judging should be impartial!
They were villainised, and Kanemaru gained many followers.
Red: Huh?! Hold on!
Blue: Th-that’s…
Red: Is… is this human society?

The one you’re aiming for in ‘Communication Skills’
is the loner rose, Himeno.
“She’s so popular with human men…” they grumble.
She takes her bread and heads to the toilet.
Blue: Hey, hey…
Red: No way…
Red: Poor thing. Let’s strike up a conversation.
They were made out to be perverts and Himeno gained a bunch of followers.
Blue: Huh?! Hold on!
Red: Th-that’s…
Blue: Is… is this human society?

The one you’re aiming for in ‘Philosophy of Love’
is the moist, adhesive squirrel, Komatsu.
She tends to hold the stuff of those she loves in her mouth.
Red: …is she happy?
Blue: Too scary…
Blue: I’ll make her eat four days’ worth of socks to seduce her!
50 seconds later they found the cinders of their socks.
Red: Hey, this…
Blue: Huh?
Red: I’m gonna cry…

The one you’re aiming for in ‘Fashion’
is the shitty drop-out collar, Kandagawa.
His prized clothes were mocked and he started writing his will.
Red/Blue: How uncool!
Red: Let’s add some horse poo to his weird patterns.
40 seconds later, they saw the cinders of his tasteless clothes.
Red: Eh, whatever.

Red/Blue: Ah! It wasn’t meant to be like this
but we can’t sink our teeth into these 8 tests.
In the end, we couldn’t obstruct anyone
and instead we might have made them more appreciated.

They planned to alter their results
and thought they could erase them all.
They despaired in front of the evaluation sheet.
Everything apart from ‘Humanification’ was the worst.

Humanification: Extraordinarily superior.
Common sense: The peak of unconventional.
Knowledge: Completely thoughtless.
Exercise: Barely scraping by.
Financial sense: Charges ahead without economising.
Communication skills: Confident and forceful.
Philosophy of love: Bashful yet interesting.
Youth culture: You weren’t wearing any socks.

Red: We’ll definitely pass!
Blue: We’ll regain our dignity!
Red/Blue: There’s no way it’ll end here!
Red: But the words won’t rub out…
Blue: How rude…
Red/Blue: Got it! We’ll cut them out and change the order.

They put Humanification’s ‘Extraordinarily superior’ against Common Sense:
Red: Let’s go with juice as an end-of-year gift.
They put Common Sense’s ‘The peak of unconventional’ against Knowledge:
Blue: The deviation value? Well, it’s 86 hundred million.
They put Knowledge’s ‘Completely thoughtless’ against Exercise:
Red: My body moves by itself.
They put Exercise’s ‘Barely scraping by’ against Financial Sense:
Blue: That supermarket is so cheap.
They put Financial Sense’s ‘Charges ahead without economising’ against Communication Skills:
Red: Let’s all work together!
They put Communication Skills’ ‘Confident and forceful’ against Philosophy of Love:
Blue: Let’s meet together next time, just the two of us.
They put Philosophy of Love’s ‘Bashful yet interesting’ against Fashion:
Red: I… I wonder if it suits me?
They put Fashion’s ‘You weren’t wearing any socks’ against Humanification:
Blue: Ah, I completely forgot them! ☆

Red/Blue: This is a perfect strategy, and though it’s a bit unnatural
we won’t be found out.
Success seems guaranteed now!
Tremble and wait for us
filthy humans!