迦楼羅の読書 || Bitter Literacy

歌詞

降り出した錆鼠(さびねず)の時雨立つ霧に卯の花も腐す
湿り気を吸い込んだ表紙憚られる意趣を盗む

止まらない底抜けの渇き糺せない生硬い軋み
相容れない意思と肉体を隠す様に袖手(しゅうしゅ)を覆う

所詮、交差に過ぎない線たちが何故この身を
此処まで締め付ける、ひたすら飲み込んでは
吐き捨てる、その循環(ループ)に終わりなど来ない!

言葉じゃ何にも解かんない画面に映る惨状も
いつしかすんなり慣れてしまいそうで怖い
逃れ憑かれた偏執病(パラノイア)、のらりくらりの残像も
一体何時まで付き合っていけばいい
怖いの　辛いの　痛いの

取分(とりわけ)意味がある訳ない杜撰(ずさん)な今を
啄むのみ独創性!?片腹痛い
単純なことに鼎(かなえ)の沸くが如し

告げる前に失ってしまうなんて
認めることが遅すぎたのでしょう
記し損ねた「出来事」なんて
もう何も誰も覚えていない

どれ程まで理性を尽くしても、
脳に居坐わる狂気に敵わない、
落伍者の道すがら残された
なけなしの青春(はる)も刻まれた心傷(きず)も
その全ての犠牲に報いや救いなど、
金輪際、来ない!

言葉じゃ何にも換わらない説明できぬ感情も
何時しか「名前」がついてしまいそうで怖い
眼裡に群がる寄生虫(パラサイト)、拗れちまった先入観(バイアス)も
一体、何処まで抱えていけばいい怖いんだよ

そうやって生活は甲斐もなく過ぎてゆく、
生老病死・愛別離(あいべつり)・怨憎会(おんぞうえ)・求不得(ぐふとく)・五蘊盛(ごおんじょう)に
苦しみながら、藻掻きながらも生きるしかない
それ以外術がない「事実」が何より
怖いの

Romanisation

furidashita sabinezu no shigure tatsu kiri ni u no hana mo kusasu
shimerike o sui konda hyoushi habakarareru ishu o nusumu

tomaranai sokonuke no kawaki tadasenai namakatai kishimi
ai’irenai ishi to nikutai o kakusu you ni shuushu o oou

shosen, kousa ni suginai sen-tachi ga naze kono mi o
koko made shimetsukeru, hitasura nomikonde wa
hakisuteru, sono ruupu ni owari nado konai!

kotoba ja nanni mo wakannai gamen ni utsuru sanjou mo
itsu shika sunnari narete shimaisou de kowai
nogare tsukareta paranoia, norari kurari no zanzou mo
ittai itsu made tsukiatte ikeba ii
kowai no tsurai no itai no

toriwake imi ga aru wake nai zusan na ima o
tsubamu nomi dokusousei!? katahara itai
tanjun na koto ni kanae no waku ga gotoshi

tsugeru mae ni ushinatte shimau nante
mitomeru koto ga ososugita no deshou
shirushi sokoneta “dekigoto” nante
mou nani mo dare mo oboete inai

dore hodo made risei o tsukushitemo,
nou ni isuwaru kyouki ni kanwanai,
rakugo-sha no michi sugara nokosareta
nakenashi no haru mo kizamareta kizu mo
sono subete no gisei ni mukui ya sukui nado,
konrinzai, konai!

kotoba ja nanni mo kawaranai setsumei dekinu kanjou mo
itsu shika “namae” ga tsuite shimaisou de kowai
ganri ni muragaru parasaito, kojirechimatta baiasu mo
ittai, doko made kakaete ikeba ii kowai nda yo

sou yatte seikatsu wa kai mo naku sugite yuku,
shourou byoushi aibetsuri onzoue gufutoku goonjou ni
kurushimi nagara, mogaki nagara mo ikiru shika nai
sore igai sube ga nai “jijitsu” ga nani yori
kowai no

Translation

The rusty rain began to fall, and the deutzia rotted in its mist.
The book covers soaked up the moisture and stole the rampant malice.

A hard grating sound echoes through endless thirst and uncertain life.
I hide my conflicting purpose and flesh beneath my sleeve.

These lines intersect, it’s nothing more than that.
Why have they bound me so? I swallow as hard as I can
but I spit it back up. There’s no end to this loop!

Words make everything incomprehensible. Tragedy appears on screen
and I’m scared I’ll get used to it all too soon.
How much longer do I need to put up with the paranoia haunting me
and this slow afterimage?
I’m scared, it’s tough, it hurts.

Today has no special meaning. These are unreliable times.
It’s creative to pick away at them?! Hilarious.
Things are simple yet complicated.

I lost you before I confessed.
I guess I was too slow to acknowledge it.
I didn’t write down what happened
and now I can’t remember anything or anyone.

No matter how much I reasoned
I was no match for the madness sitting in my brain
and I was left behind on the failure’s road.
My youth was pitiful, and my heart was wounded.
Salvation and revenge for all those sacrifices
will never, ever come!

Words won’t replace anything. I’m scared
that someday my unexplainable feelings will be named.
Parasites swarm in my eyes and my biases have gotten worse.
How much longer must I bear them? I’m scared.

And like that, my life passes in vain.
Faced with the Buddhist tenets (1)
I have no choice but to suffer and squirm.
A truth like that, which I cannot change
scares me the most.