Releska

Requested by: Lolitta

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ホウキ握り 独り立ち尽くす 放課後はテスト前
虐げ嗤う視線と夕暮れ 焼き付いた午後六時

houki nigiri hitori tachi tsukusu houkago wa tesuto mae
shiitage warau shisen to yuugure yaki tsuita gogo rokuji

I grip my broom and stand alone. Pre-test study is after school.
Oppressive, ridiculing gazes and sunset—6pm was seared into my memory.

善意なんて押し付けがましい体裁と為体で
腐る思考 苛むいつもと変わらない何とやら

zen’i nante oshitsukegamashii teisai to teitaraku de
kusaru shikou sainamu itsumo to kawaranai nan to yara

A positive mindset is just a pushy pretence and predicament.
Rotten thoughts torment me. Somehow, it’s the same as always.

何も言わず 誰も知らず
ただただ忘れた 全部
笑い方も しゃべり方も

nan mo iwazu dare mo shirazu
tada tada wasureta zenbu
waraikata mo shaberikata mo

Without saying anything, unnoticed by all,
I just forgot everything
including how to smile and how to speak.

もういらない

mou iranai

I don’t need it anymore.

真っ眩々んだ 夜明けの夕立
ほらほら過呼吸状態
知らぬ存ぜぬ 少女は俯いた

makkurakuranda yoake no yuudachi
hora hora kakokyuu joutai
shiranu sonzenu shoujo wa utsumuita

I was utterly dazzled by daybreak’s evening shower.
See? I’m hyperventilating.
The girl looked down, completely ignorant.

退っ引きならない明日はそれでも
冗談みたいに訪れる
雨上がりまでとまた本を読み耽る

noppiki naranai ashita wa sore demo
joudan mitai ni otozureru
ameagari made to mata hon o yomifukeru

Though tomorrow is unavoidable
it arrives like a joke.
I am absorbed in my book, at least until after the rain.

誰も居ない 黙(だんま)り決め込む 森閑と八畳間
今日も一人 座って鬱いだ 自棄糞のテロリズム

dare mo inai danmari kimekomu shinkan to hachijoukan
kyou mo hitori suwatte fusaida yakekuso no terorizumu

Nobody is here. I take the silence for granted. It’s silent and cramped. (1)
I sat alone and moped again today. This is desperate terrorism.

明日も明日もそのまた明日すらも屁理屈な愚痴を吐き
ジャンクフードみたいにダラけた生活に溶けてゆく

asu mo asu mo sono mata ashita sura mo herikutsu na guchi o haki
janku fuudo mitai ni daraketa seikatsu ni tokete yuku

Tomorrow, the day after, and even the day after that, I spit out illogical complaints.
I melt into a languid lifestyle. It’s like junk food.

真っ眩々んだ 小さな世界で
ただただ貧血状態
息を潜めて 少女はボヤいてた

makkurakuranda chiisana sekai de
tada tada hinketsu joutai
iki o hisomete shoujo wa boyaiteta

I was utterly dazzled in this small world.
I’m completely anaemic.
The girl was grumbling, holding her breath.

退っ引きならない明日はそれでも
冗談みたいに訪れる
朝が来るまでとまた独り読み耽る

noppiki naranai ashita wa sore demo
joudan mitai ni otozureru
asa ga kuru made to mata hitori yomifukeru

Though tomorrow is unavoidable
it arrives like a joke.
I am absorbed in my book alone again, at least until dawn comes.

誰かが来た 興味ないが
会いたいらしい 私に

dareka ga kita kyoumi nai ga
aitai rashii watashi ni

Somebody approached, and though I’m disinterested
it seems like they want to see me.

何も言わず 誰も知らず
一人きりの私に

nan mo iwazu daremo shirazu
hitori kiri no watashi ni

Without saying anything, unnoticed by all,
I am all alone.

笑い方も しゃべり方も
全部全部いらない

waraikata mo shaberikata mo
zenbu zenbu iranai

One such as I needs nothing
including ways to smile and speak.

なんでなんで 邪魔しないで

nande nande jama shinaide

Why? Why? Don’t get in my way.

「もうやめてよ」

“mou yamete yo”

“Just stop it already!”

「待って」と呼ぶ声 誰にも届かず
ごめんね 本当は嬉しくて
信じてもらえなくても良いから

“matte” to yobu koe dare ni mo todokazu
gomenne hontou wa ureshikute
shinjite moraenakutemo ii kara

That voice calling “wait!” doesn’t reach anyone.
Sorry. To be honest, I’m happy
because I don’t care if you don’t believe me.

真っ眩々んだ 小さな世界にあるはず無い
誰かの手はそっと腕をとり私を連れ出した

makkurakuranda chiisana sekai ni aru hazu nai
dareka no te wa sotto ude o tori watashi o tsuredashita

I was utterly dazzled. There’s no way it exists in this small world.
Someone’s arm gently took my hand and took me away.

真っ白広がる明日はそれでも
冗談みたいに訪れて
空は滲んで見えた

masshiro hirogaru ashita wa sore demo
joudan mitai ni otozurete
sora wa nijinde mieta

Though a white tomorrow stretches out
it arrives like a joke.
The sky looked blurry.

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(1) 八畳間 (hajijoukan) is a type of room measurement linked to tatami. This involves 8 tatami combined to form a square room with an area of about 13m². See this page for a visual reference. ‘Cramped’ was chosen to convey the spartan nature of this room type.