泡灰願望 -デストロエゴイズム- || Wishing for Destruction -Destro-egoism-

泡灰願望 -デストロエゴイズム-
houkai ganbou -desutoro egoizumu-
Wishing for Destruction -Destro-egoism-

Vocals: Mie (みぃ)
Lyrics: Jell
Arranged by: GCHM
Album: Accomplice 【Official Site】
Circle: GET IN THE RING
Event: C95
Original Themes: -Satori Maiden ~ 3rd eye [少女さとり ~ 3rd eye]
-Hartmann’s Youkai Girl [ハルトマンの妖怪少女]
-Shoutoku Legend ~ True Administrator [聖徳伝説 ~ True Administrator]

Requested by: Kalarz

泡灰 appears to be a coined word, with no clues as to what it means or how it is pronounced. Separately, the characters mean ‘bubble’ and ‘ash’. I’ve guessed that the reading is ほうかい, which has the same pronunciation as 崩壊 (houkai – destruction).


どうか褒めて頂戴 自虐じゃない
他人に価値みされる幸福なんて
不幸でしかない虚妄でしょ
また疼き出す 識閾の幻肢痛

douka homete choudai jigyaku ja nai
hito ni kachi misareru koufuku nante
fukou de shika nai kyomou desho
mata uzuki dasu shikiiki no genshitsuu

Praise me, please. This isn’t masochism.
The happiness of being valued by others
is nothing but unhappiness. It’s a lie.
I start aching again, feeling phantom pain on the edges of consciousness.

何でも見えちゃうからよく解るの 余計なお世話ね図々しい
雪に片道の足跡だけで 十分安らうの

nan demo miechau kara yoku wakaru no yokei na osewa ne zuuzuushii
yuki ni katamichi no ashiato dake de juubun yasurau no

I can see everything, so I understand all too well. It’s none of your business. How shameless.
There’s only one-way footprints in the snow. I’ve rested enough.

踊れ 自我と非我の狭間 BRAIN DAMNED×BREAK DOWN
共感覚が加速する
たかが偽善者のCold reading 戯れが何様 ?
慰めや憐れみは 理想像ばかり信じてた過去の私にでもどうぞ

odore ego to higa no hazama BRAIN DAMNEDxBREAK DOWN
kyoukankaku ga kasoku suru
taka ga gizensha no Cold reading tawmure ga nanisama?
nagusame ya awaremi wa risouzou bakari shinjiteta kako no watashi ni demo douzo

Dance! In the gap between the self and not-self, BRAIN DAMNEDxBREAK DOWN
My synaesthesia speeds up.
At best, it’s a hypocrite’s cold reading. Who’s playing around?
Consolation or pity are welcome even to my past self, who only believed in ideal things.

空になって 初めて知って こころの深いとこまで
時が経って また始まって ひとりでにただ 今は気ままに まだ

kara ni natte hajimete shitte kokoro no fukai toko made
toki ga tatte mata hajimatte hitori de ni tada ima wa ki mama ni mada

I became empty and knew my heart to its depths for the first time.
Time passes, it begins again, and I do what I want all alone.

何にも見えないからこそ判るの てゆーか心底ど一でも良い
確かな自分なんて無くても 私こんなに幸せよ

nanni mo mienai kara koso wakaru no te yuu ka shinsoko doo demo ii
tashika na mono nante nakutemo watashi konna ni shiawase yo

I can’t see anything, and that’s why I understand. Basically, I don’t care about my heart’s depths.
Even without a certain sense of self, I’m so happy.

揺れる無我と零河の罠 BLIZZARD×BLAZEYE
変像症に遊ばれる
切なさの底にInvisible 結果がこの有様?
燃え上がも恋心 私の世界 透明に染まったあの夜から ずっと

yureru muga to reika no wana BLIZZARDxBLAZEYE
henzoushou ni asobareru
setsunasa no soko ni Invisible sore ga kono arisama?
moeaga mo koigokoro watashi no sekai toumei ni somatta ano yoru kara zutto

Unstable selflessness and the trap of the nought river: BLIZZARDxBLAZEYE
I’m toyed with by pareidolia.
In the depths of misery, invisible, is this the result?
Love’s awakening burns up. My world has been dyed transparent since that night, always.

いつの間にか 嫌なヤツになるのを良しとするようになってたし
皆口々に 愛だか恋だか 《l don’t call my name!》 どこまで?
ど一もこ一もないね

itsu no ma ni ka iya na yatsu ni naru no o yoshi to suru you ni natteta shi
mina kuchiguchi ni ai da ka koi da ka “I don’t call my name!” doko made?
doo mo koo mo nai ne

Before I knew it, I started to think becoming a bad guy would be a good thing
and everyone, whether it’s love or romance… “I don’t call my name!” Well, to what extent?
It’s hopeless.

幼い頃に見てたものは全て同じ筈だったのに
どこで掛け違ったの
——とでも云うと思った ?

osanai koro ni miteta mono wa subete onaji hazu datta noni
doko de kakechigatta no
…to demo iu to omotta?

Everything I saw as a child should have been the same
but it’s different somewhere.
…Did you think I’d say that?

無邪気に笑い合う それだけのことが難し過ぎた
理解されなくていい 別にして欲しくもない
少しずつ遠ざかる 想い出静かの墓標へ
そのうち手を合わせに行こう

mujaki ni warai au sore dake no koto ga muzukashi sugita
rikai sarenakute ii betsu ni shite hoshiku mo nai
sukoshi zutsu toozakaru omoide shizuka no bohyou e
sono uchi te o awase ni ikou

Even something as simple as laughing innocently together was too tough.
I don’t need to be understood, and I don’t really want you to.
My memories grow more distant, bit by bit, heading to a silent grave.
Sooner or later, I’ll go to hold your hand.

自我と無我重ね REJECTION HEARTS
衒学的なゆめを見る
Why is there something rather than nothing? 教えてよ神様
覚め病まぬ恋心 二人で決めた愛言葉
多分もう通うことも無いだろう
二度と使うことは無いだろう

jiga to muga kasane REJECTION HEARTS
genkaku-teki na yume o miru
Why is there something rather than nothing? oshiete yo kamisama
same yamanu koigokoro futari de kimeta aikotoba
tabun mou kayou koto mo nai darou
nido to tsukau koto wa nai darou

Stacking up the self and selflessness, REJECTION HEARTS.
I have a pedantic dream.
Why is there something rather than nothing? Tell me, God.
My love lingers. We decided on our words of love together
though I guess they’ll go unspoken now.
I won’t use them again.

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